Hiding Out ||CAMERON||

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

Megan walked through the large double doors, entering the library. She was sporting a pair of low riding jeans that fit every single curve of hers perfectly and a t-shirt that barely reached the top of her jeans with a pair of converse sneakers. She needed to get away from everything. From the questions, the looks, the whispers behind her back. She was gone for a year and then came back. Why did she have to be the topic of conversation? Why did people have to know why she left? Shouldn't that be her own business. There was only one person that she would talk to about it and she feared seeing him the most. She didn't want him to hate her for leaving without so much as a goodbye, but she could never explain to him with the right words as to why she did it without hurting him. Though, she knew that she already had hurt him.

Cameron was the love of her life all through high school, but she took off just before their senior year. Being gone for a year hadn't changed her feelings toward Cameron, though. She still loved him with all of her heart, but she had a feeling that she was going to have a hard time convincing him of that. Not to mention, he was a catch here at Safe Harbor. Odds are that he's already moved on and has someone that won't hurt him by leaving, the way that she had.

Megan snuck up to the third floor of the library. No one ever came here. She could always be found here when she wasn't having a good day; there was only one person that knew that about her and she hadn't even seen him yet. But today was definitely one of those days. She planted herself in a corner with a good book and sat there. She was there for about two hours and she was beginning to feel the urge to just cry, but she wouldn't cry. Soon enough they'd find someone better to talk about and there would be better days. She got up from her spot around four o'clock in the afternoon. She brought her book back over to the shelf and tried to squeeze it back into it's spot, knocking two large books off of the shelf in the process. She jumped at her own clumsiness. "Shit," she muttered under her breath as she bent down to pick up the books.

OOC: Your reply doesn't have to be this long. Odds are, mine will probably shrink after this one...

[Cameron Gray]

Oh yes, Cameron had heard the rumors that were floating around the school. She’s back Megan Carter is back! What will Cameron do? He heard rumors around the halls and he could hear everything that was being said and he could also feel eyes burning at the back of his head. Was she really back? Why was she back? Was she even going to talk to him? For that matter, would he even see her? Did he want to see her? He wasn’t sure if he did she really broke his heart when she left it tore him and even when he tried to get over her it never worked because he loved her and he still loved her. He wanted to hate her for leaving but, he just couldn’t no matter how hard he tried and no matter how many other girls he dated well, she was gone it never worked. He could not get over her! He knew people were wondering what he was going to do… wondering if the two would get back together…. And truthfully, he didn’t know. Half of him wanted to yell at her for leaving… for leaving him with a broken heart for not emailing or calling or anything and the other half just wanted to hold her in his arms again and be with her. But, he didn’t even know what she was doing back maybe, he had done something wrong… but he didn’t care if that was the case she didn’t have to run if that was the case… and the other thing was they were pretty much over right? Not seeing each other or hearing from each other for a year… that could really damage a relationship so the second half couldn’t happen.

Earlier he had been asked by a teacher to go to the library to grab him a book and bring it to him tomorrow and Cameron had agreed. He was actually, getting extra credit for it… it was his Chemistry Class and he was struggling in the class ever sense Megan left his grades fell. He even had a tutor there for awhile but she was no help she wanted to date Cameron. A lot of girls did want to date him and he dated a few but it only went to two dates at the most because he always compared them to… her he had even been using the name her lately. People in the halls would be talking about her when she left and as soon as they saw Cameron they would quickly drop the conversation but he always knew… even a year later she was still being talked about.

Walking into the library and looking around his eyes wondered over to the corner… and Cameron froze in his spot. There she was just as beautiful as always and he felt his heart drop and the friggen butterflies in his stomach. She still did this to him and he wanted to hate her for it but he couldn’t. She hurt him but, yet he still was so much in love with her and she still made him crazy. He didn’t know what to do… go and talk to her or not? He took a deep breath before, walking over and grabbing one of her books from the ground… just one and not even saying a word to her as he stared down at the book that was in his hand for about a minute before, looking at her. “Excuse me do I know you?” he questioned her. He was attempting a glare he wanted her to know he was angry with her. But, the look wasn’t even anger it was more hurt if anything at all.

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

Megan hadn't looked up at the considerate stranger that had picked up one of the books that had fallen to the ground with the loud crash. "Thanks," she mumbled out before stuffing the books back on teh shelf. Then it clicked. Oh God. She knew that voice. that was his voice. She thought about it and she really wanted to look him in the eye. She wanted to apologize for leaving the way she had. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and just hold him close to her, but she didn't think that the odds of that happening were too great. He was mad. She knew that much. And she didn't blame him. She'd be angry too. God, he was still as gorgeous as ever and she knew that not only was he angry, he was hurt and knowing that she was the cause of that hurt, hurt her in return. She wanted to make the hurt go away, but she wasn't exactly sure how. Other than teling him why she left and she wasn't so sure that she could do that yet.

Megan thought about his question and how she should answer it. She nodded her head tentatively. "You used to," she began. "And given the chance, I'd really like you to be able to get to know me again," she finished. She just wanted to hold him. She wanted him to take her home with him. She wanted to take the man in front of her and kiss him like she had before she had left last year. She wanted to tell him so much, including the fact that she loved him then, and she had never stopped loving him.

Megan studdied his face closely and she wasn't sure what to make of his expression. Did he still love her? Would he ever be able to love her again after she had left so suddenly? Would he be able to forgive her for leaving? She wanted to ask him all of these questions, but she refrained from doing so until she got the response from him.

[Cameron Gray]

Cameron closed his eyes for about a minute, he couldn’t believe she was standing here in front of him a year later he thought he would never see her again. He thought he would never hear her voice again. And, if he was able to hear from her again he was first expecting an email or a phone call. But, here she was a year later seeing him again and, this wasn’t even from her own doing this was just a coincidence. He was afraid to open his eyes to see her again… and not only because he was afraid to see her again he was also afraid that when he opened up his eyes she would be gone. As she spoke about how he used to know her he slowly opened her eyes. She wasn’t going anywhere… not yet anyways. He was surprised she hadn’t already run off from him…

“I used to know you…” he paused barley able to look at her. His eyes were focused on the wall behind her. “That’s the keyword. I don’t know you anymore… and even if I did I wouldn’t want to. I don’t want to know someone that will just randomly leave my life without a word, or an excuse… and that leave me heartbroken without a care in the world. That way I don’t get hurt again. “ he told her swallowing hard again. She did hurt him and he wasn’t going to go and deny that. He loved her and she needed to know that… he wanted her to know how much he hurt her. He wanted her to feel his pain… but, he had a feeling she would never know what that felt like because she never loved him because if she did she would have never left him. And, if she did love him and she had to leave even without a goodbye in person she could have emailed or called him unless, she was in the middle of nowhere and that he doubted.

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

Megan found her throat tightening at his words. He didn't believe that she ever loved him. How the hell was she going to convince him that she did love him then and she was still as head over heels now? She wanted to reach over to him, link their fingers like they used to do and just hold his hand, just for the physical contact. She loved him more than she could ever love anyone and she did own him an explanation, but how could she explain it? She knew the hurt he felt to some degree. She didn't have a choice in leaving. When she had gotten back to her room, her belongings were packed for her and her aunt was there to get her. She was a wild child and her parents wanted to keep that side of her hidden, so they sent her away. There was no say from her in that. Had she had the choice, she never would have left. She would have stayed here with him or at least she would have said goodbye and kept in contact. And she needed him to understand that.

"Cameron," she began and his name caught in her throat. She could feel the onslaught of tears threatening to fall from her eyes and roll in salty rivers down her cheeks. "I need you to understand something. I need you to know why I left and I'm fully prepared to tell you. I just need to know that you'll listen. When she was quiet for a minute and she hadn't heard any protest, she continued. "I need you to know that I loved you with all of my heart before you left. You had been my best friend since we met and you know we hit it off right away. We had been dating for three years. Do you honestly think that I would just up and leave if I had a choice do you? Because if you do, you are seriously mistaken. I showed up in my room one night to find all of my stuff packed and my aunt waiting to take me back to New York with her. My parents were making me leave because I was a wild child. They wanted to put an end to my partying and the drinking. I had to leave and if I ever wanted to come back here, I was to have no contact with anyone from here. Texts and phone calls, emails and IMs were screened constantly. I loved you then and I still love you now, Cameron. I need you to know that; I never would have left you like that if I had the choice. I'm so sorry." She took a deep breath, hoping that he would understand everything that she had told him. She needed him to understand.

[Cameron Gray]

Cameron swallowed roughly as she said his name. He felt as if his heart was breaking even more then it already had been hearing her say his name again was torture. Nobody ever said his name the way she had and still did to this day. He loved to hear her voice but he feared the worse. He turned his head away from her again and closed his eyes. He had a feeling that as soon as he opened his eyes she would be gone… although, the last time he closed his eyes she was still there. But, if she was going to leave again he just wanted her to leave already. He didn’t want to get used to the fact that she was back just for her to turn around and leave him again and leave him with a broken heart that could not be mended no matter, who tried to mend his heart back together nobody could… not even Megan. He was still heartbroken even though she was standing here in front of him again. It killed him inside.

As she went on to tell him why she had left, he didn’t bother to open his eyes. He still didn’t want to look at her. He had a frown on his face as he shook his head. Of course, she had an excuse for why she left didn’t everyone? He understood her excuse he really did but, her not contacting him he didn’t understand she could have left him a note with a friend, or something… if she really loved him she would have taken the risk of contacting him just once to at least say a goodbye. It didn’t have to be long but it could have been something… anything really besides not saying anything at all. “ No! Don’t tell me you love me still… Don’t tell me you ever loved me!” he chocked out as he opened his eyes and turned to glare at her. But, the glare that he wanted to be on his face didn’t last long and it just went back to the hurt expression so, he quickly turned his head away from her. He didn’t want her to see how much she hurt him and if he looked at her she would see that and see his weakness… his weakness was her and it had been for awhile. Before, she left, when she left and now that she was back. He wanted to say everything that went through his mind and if he looked at her he wouldn’t be able to.
“ If you really had loved me you would have risked finding a way to tell me why you left. But, you didn’t… you just left…” he closed his eyes again. “ I don’t love you anymore…” he chocked out trying to hold back tears. He was lying… he really truly was and if she asked anyone if he moved on they’d tell her no but he hoped that she wouldn’t go asking people. “ I think you should leave…” he told her softly. He didn’t want to go through this again. He didn’t want to get used to her being here just to have her pick up her stuff again and leave him.

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

And those were the words she had been fearing the most. He didn't love her anymore. But she couldn't believe that. He wouldn't be acting so hurt if he didn't love her anymore. She just needed to get that out of him. "I don't believe you. I don't believe that you don't love me anymore and I don't think that you believe it either." She closed her eyes and shook her head in protest. "Cameron, I do love you I always have and that will never change and you know it. Please believe me," she pleaded. "You know more about me than anyone else. And you know that's true for me, too." She wasn't sure as to how else to say it. "I thought about picking up the phone ever single day, but I had to stay away because I loved you. The deal was if I could go a year and drop my partying habits without talking to anyone from here, then I could come back. I had to stay away because I loved you. I never would have been able to come back here right now if I had contacted you and got caught. I was thinking of us," she said truthfully. So many times had she wanted to call, email, whatever, but she knew that if she ever wanted to see him again, staying away and not contacting anyone was for the best.

She shook her head again. She couldn't leave. Not now. Not when he didn't believe that she loved him always and always will love him. She had a hard time believing that he wanted her to leave. "Is that what you really want, Cameron? You really want me to leave again?" She knew that he didn't want that and she also knew that asking that question was a low blow because they both knew the answer was no. "Because I can't do that. I can't leave you again. Being without you...there was a void in my life. I knew something was missing and it was you. There was a hole and I didn't deal with it well. I missed you and every day I prayed that you would be able to find it in your heart to forgive me and take me back." She felt the tears threatening to fall and a lone tear did make its way down her cheek. She hated knowing that he was hurting and she especially hated knowing that she was the cause of his pain.

[Cameron Gray]

Cameron gritted his teeth why was she still here!? He wanted her to leave but yet she kept talking. Did she really think that if she just continued to talk and repeated herself that it was going to make everything better and they would go back to the way things were before? Because if she did she was unfortunately, sorely mistaken and even if they did try to be together again it wouldn’t be for a really long time before Cameron started to trust her again and act the way he used to with her. Of course, she had to go and throw it in his face that he was lying that he still did love her. Was it that obvious or was it her wishful thinking… and even if it was just her wishful thinking it was true. He sighed not saying anything for a rather long time before running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry…” he stated simply. She could take it either way she wanted. For her to start now believing he said sorry because it was true he didn’t love her. Or, for her to think he was saying sorry because he tried to convince her that he didn’t love her anymore when he did. It was the second one but he wouldn’t clarify that for her. His face turned into a frown after awhile as she went on and explained still why she couldn’t contact him. He supposed he understood that but it still hurt. “Right…” was all that came out of his mouth in the long end. It was also all he knew what to say.

Cameron’s eyes averted down to the ground again as she questioned him. He hated that she was questioning him! And, he also hated that she was right about everything. He did still love her and he didn’t want her to really leave. But, if she was going to leave again he just wanted her to leave now so he didn’t have to experience it all over again. He looked up about to speak but his voice trembled as he saw a tear fall down her cheek. Damn It! Was his first thought. He hated to see her cry it was one of his weaknesses… she was his weakness. He took a step closer to her a frown still apparent on his face as he reached up and touched her cheek and wiped away the tear. “Don’t start crying. I won’t be able to handle it. “ he told her truthfully. “ You hurt me Megan… and I just don’t know if I’m ready to accept that your back… If you leave again… I won’t be able to go on living. Megan when you left… you killed me and I’m still trying to recover…”he told her his hand still on her cheek which he did not even realize.

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

Megan didn't want to cry in front of him. She didn't want him to know that she wasn't as strong as she tried to make everyone believe. She looked away from him. "Don't be sorry," she whispered out. "I'm the one that left you, crushed you, made you think that I didn't love you," she said, looking up to catch his eyes. And when she felt his hand on her face, there was nothing that could have felt better. It brought back all of the memories of them, of every touch, every kiss, every laugh. She bit her bottom lip and she couldn't help but want to just lean in and kiss him. But the want stopped as he finished his speech.

She leaned into his touch and brought her hand up to cover the back of his, keeping their hands on her cheek. She looked into his eyes, letting him see the honesty that resided there. "Cameron, I'm not going anywhere. You got hurt when I left, but now I'm back. And that in itself should be enough to let you know that I still love you. I thought about you everyday that I was gone. I wasn't so sure that I could continue living either. I know I screwed up. I know that I should have risked talking to you, but I didn't. I didn't because I wanted to be able to see you again. Not just talk to you. I'm not leaving again. Not without you," she said. She reached down and took his free hand in hers, linking their fingers together. "I intend to wear you down, Cameron Gray." It took all of her strength to not lean in and kiss him softly. And she was praying to God that he didn't pull back from her touch.

[Cameron Gray]

Cameron was not going to argue with her there. She did crush him and he really had thought that she didn’t love him anymore. Heck, he honestly, felt as if she never loved him in the first place. But, now that she was back it was beginning to be very hard for him to still be angry with her. She was making it hard for him not to keep thinking that she didn’t love him. He had a feeling that she really was telling him the truth about everything but he was still at the point where he didn’t know if he could trust her. He just kept getting weaker after each word she spoke and her touch just about killed him and made him go weak in the knees. He had craved her touch for over a year and now that he saw her and felt her again it was slowly killing him.

He closed his eyes again as she grabbed his free hand. He had wanted to feel her touch forever and he chose not to speak just yet… he only let the touch last a couple of seconds before he quickly dropped his hand from her and his hand from her cheek and took a step away from her. It was like she had a spell on him and he was not going to give into her this easily. She said she was going to wear him down and he knew it to be true, she would but he wasn’t ready for her to wear him down already. It was really hard for him to ‘reject’ her in a sense but he was still hurt and she couldn’t heal him this fast. “Megan! Please, just stop talking! I… I’m not ready to jump back into a relationship with you already and you’re making it really hard for me not to just hold you and kiss you again. I don’t want to get hurt again and I don’t want to give in already!” he told her shaking his head lightly as he took another step away from her. “ You can’t expect me to just get back together with you already when you left for a year…” he explained with a short sigh staring at the ground again. It was once again hard for him to look at her.

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

Megan was hurt as he began to speak, but then she realized what was going on. He was scared. Not that she blamed him, but it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Leaving wasn't her choice. She was hurt as he pulled away from her touch. It was like her hand and her cheek were suddenly colder than the rest of her body without his touch. He was breaking and she knew it. He was breaking under her touch and she just wanted him to break. She wanted him to realize that she wasn't ever leaving, but maybe he didn't love her anymore. Maybe he found someone else. But would he do that? He said that he was still healing from her leaving. Did that mean that he had another girl helping him through it? She couldn't handle the images of Cameron and some other girl flashing before her eyes. She mentally shook her head to get the images out. None of this was fair and she wasn't sure how to tell him the part of the story that was left out. Would it matter if he didn't love her anymore?

"So do it, Cameron! Hold me and kiss me like you used to! Life's not easy; I would know. Stop being such a coward! I know that it's hard to trust me! I know that I left without even saying goodbye, but I'm here now and that should count for something!" She wasn't sad anymore. She was angry. She had had enough of him pushing her away. "I'm scared, too! I was scared of coming back and seeing you and in all honesty, I didn't know that this was how you were going to react and it hurts like hell! I'm sorry that I hurt you, Cameron. But stop acting scared. Stop being a coward and just act on how you feel. I know that you still love me, why can't you just admit that to yourself?" She was playing dirty now and she knew it. Calling him a coward wasn't really fair, but none of this was fair. There was so much that she wanted from him in this moment. "Please Cameron. Just stop trying to ignore what you want."

[Cameron Gray]

Cameron looked up at her again as he shook his head. As much as he wanted to do what she was telling him to do he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was still hurt and then she called him a coward. His face turned bright red as he shook his head at her. He couldn’t not believe she had the courage to call him a coward! Nobody ever spoke to him like that before, people feared him at this school… most people anyways. He was a star jock no girl would ever call him a coward… besides Megan. But Megan was Megan and of course she knew the real him more than anyone else in that school and he almost hated that. “Don’t call me a Coward!” he practical shouted at her. The Liberian turned to glare. He whispered a sorry and grabbed Megan’s hand they were going to get in trouble if they stayed in here any longer. He dragged her out into the hall way and as soon as they got into the hall way he let go of her arm and turned to give her a glare.

“I’m not a Coward!” he told her through gritted teeth, his face even more red now. What made her think that she could talk down to him? That was no way to get him back it just made him more angry then he already was. “ I do admit that to myself. God Megan, I admit to myself everyday that I’m still in love with you. But, that doesn’t change facts that you hurt me and I’m not going to just be ‘oh look Megan’s back and everything’s back to normal! La de fricken da!’” he told her his voice changing to a rather high pitched voice. Yes, he was pass being hurt and now he was just angry. Why did she think that when he came back everything would go back to normal with a snap of her fingers!? It didn’t work that way.

[Megan Carter]

Gone away is the Blue Bird,
Here to stay is the New Bird

Megan shook her head. "Cameron, you are a coward. You won't even look at me the way that you used to because you're afraid that I'm going to leave. But I'm not and you won't even give me the benefit of the doubt. You're supposed to trust the person that you love!" She was beyond caring about the librarian that was giving them so much trouble about being loud. She was sick and tired of people watching them fight, watching her in genera, but, she couldn't ignore the burning sensation that was left on her arm after he dragged her into the hallway. "No! You're not supposed to take me back right away, but you're supposed to see who I really am. Even when no one else does! You're supposed to be different and now you're just acting like every other asshole at this school! You know people talked about me when I left. And people talked to you when I left, thinking maybe you knew something. And I know that it crushed you that you didn't. It crushed me that I couldn't tell you where I was and what happened. And I'm sorry!"

"I love you and you know it. I want you to be with me and I know that you want me to be with you. I know you still love me, Cameron. Please don't try telling me otherwise," she pleaded. She couldn't stand them fighting. Usually their fights were small and they ended with a kiss and cuddling up and watching a movie or something along those lines, but she had a feeling that this was going in a different direction. She just wanted to be with him and he was making it difficult. She needed him, he was like air for her and he was acting like he wanted nothing to do with her and that hurt more than she ever thought it could.

[Cameron Gray]

Cameron gritted his teeth; did she honestly think that talking to him like this was going to make him want to come back to her? Calling him a coward was the last thing helping her out. Then she had the nerve to compare him to everyone else in the freakin’ school! She called him a coward and then an asshole. He shook his head at her his eyes going wide. “Well, if I’m such an asshole and a coward then why are you trying so hard to get me back? And, for me to admit I love you again?”he questioned her a snap in his voice. There wasn’t even a look of pain in his face anymore just anger. “Why would you want to be with an asshole or a coward?” he questioned her shaking his head a bit.

He now disregarded everything else she had said as he looked at the book down in his hands. “You know what Megan… I wish you would have stayed away and never came back! You’re not helping anyone by coming back your just screwing up everyone’s lives up again after they just started getting over you…” he told her. “Look I got to go check out this book…”[/b[ he said as he walked away from her and over to the counter. “ And, I really hope by the time I’m done your gone… I want you to leave and never come back!” he spat out at her. This was actually so far from the truth. He didn’t want her to leave again. He did love her but she hurt him… and then she just made him angry. She knew better then to call him a coward… and compare him to everyone else. It really pissed him off. Cameron was not a coward or an asshole… in his mind anyways and also in a lot of other people’s minds as well. Megan thinking he was a coward was one of the last people he wanted on earth to think that. Before, she left he wanted her to think he was strong physically and mentally because he wanted her to believe he could protect her from anything… and now that she was back and calling him names it was killing him. She must have never felt safe with him.

[Megan Carter]

"I wouldn't be with a coward or an asshole! That's why I was with you! You're supposed to be different, Cameron," she said, the tears returning to her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of him. She couldn't. "Cameron! I said you're acting like a coward! Not that you are a coward! I don't think you're a coward at all, but I don't understand why you're pushing me away! You say that me leaving killed you, but you're just pushing me out of your life even more! Stop acting like you were the only one hurt by me leaving! I hated not being able to see you!" She realized that she was making a fool of herself, but she couldn't let him go that easily. She loved him and she knew that he loved her. He wouldn't be acting defensively like this if he didn't.

Megan felt like she had been punched in the stomach. He wished that she had stayed away? He didn't want to see her anymore? Maybe he really didn't love her. But she refused to believe that. She loved him with everything she had in her and this whole conversation was beginning to kill her. She couldn't believe that he had said that to her. At this point, she didn't care who heard them or what the damn librarian did. She didn't care if they were shushed or kicked out. She needed to get something through to him. "Like I said, Cameron, I don't believe that you really want me gone. You and I both know that it's not true! All that I'm asking for is a chance." Megan hated that now all of the eyes in the library were on her and Cameron. All she wanted was a chance from him. She needed the benefit of the doubt that she wouldnt' leave again and if she couldn't get that from him of all people, then who could she get that from. She turned her back to him and violently wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall, leaving her eyes just a bit red around the edges. She turned back to face him and continued. "Just one chance to prove to you that I'm not going to leave," she said, looking at him. She loved him and she wasn't giving up and she wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't going to mess this up with him and she wasn't going to let him go anywhere. "Please."